Melllorine

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God I really need to update here sometimes... I haven't had a journal entry in the last 2 years. Or even new art updates

So, where do I start? I'm still working for the same company I've told you about before in my journal entry from Dec 14, 2016.
That's... that's a good start lol. I didn't want to share the company name last time, but well, I guess I could. Why not?
So you can see the slot games I made on the site of Play 'N Go, a few examples are: Rise of Olympus, Moon Princess, the maps in Sweet Alchemy, Matsuri and a few smaller parts in different games. Also there are some stuff that are still in progress, and obviously can't share yet.

Still don't know when I'll start drawing again for my own joy and entertainment. It's kind of sad, but I feel burned out most times.
I'm sure I'll get over this one day, so I'm patient. I'd still love to draw for children, or even make some crafty things, lately I'm really into leathercraft.

Also I'm really excited, because I'm going to visit London, UK in a few weeks! I've never been this far from my country (I live in Hungary), I only visited neighbour countries like Romania, Austria etc. Also I've never traveled by a plane before, so I'm freaking out. Hopefully I won't die! Might not seem like a big deal to most people, but I'm so hyped about this trip. I finally do something with my life, and make actual plans, get my ass off the couch. But the main thing that I'm really looking forward to.... We are going to the Warner Bros Harry Potter Studio Tour!!! I had to buy the tickets 6!!! months before traveling. That's just crazy. I actually think I'll cry when I step in. You may not know but I love Harry Potter. A few years ago I made a full collection of replicas of the Hogwarts letter, wands, boxes, wax seals etc and gave them as Christmas presents to my sis and my boyfriend. I was thinking about uploading all the psd files and notes, on how to make these yourself. Would you be interested in that?

Another thing I really want to talk about, was a life changing experience I had with a movie. In late January, I saw an interview with Armie Hammer and Timothée Chalamet on the Ellen show. They were talking about their movie (Call me by your name), and I was like oh yeah, bla bla bla, another boring love story. Then I heard Timmy saying his character fell in love with Armie's. And I was like: WHAT! I have to see this movie. So I did, and I must tell you... No movie ever touched me on this level, and had me turn into an emotional wreck, even days after I've seen it. Before this, when people asked "So what's your fav movie?" I couldn't really answer. But now I can tell you that THIS. This is the one. I can't really explain, but for me this movie is perfection. The scenery, the music, the characters, the emotions Elio goes through. I felt like I am Elio, I could feel every pain and love he felt. If you haven't seen it already, and you're interested, please do... I think I've seen it like 32 times already. Can't stop torturing myself haha. I saw it with my boyfriend on my birthday in theaters, and he loved it as well. It was the best day of my life for sure. I'll never forget it.

Btw I'm mostly active on my Instagram , so follow me if you'd like to see some life updates, stories, or some of the crafty things I occasionally make. haha

Have a lovely day!  

Hi Dears!

Thank you so much for everyone who read my last journal, and thank you for taking time and replying. All of your messages really helped.  

 I wish everyone a better next year, and Merry Christmas!  

xoxo

Kata

Hi everyone!

I don't know it there's anyone still following me here anymore. I've been so overwhelmed lately, and since I don't have any blogs, I choose deviantArt to share my true feelings with you. My older watchers might have been wondering about what the hell happened to me, why did I just stopped updating. I was planning on doing a story-time here, and today came the day. If you're curious, please read along.

I don't even know where to start the story, but I'll just start somewhere. It'll be long.

Since I finished art school, I kind of felt uninspired to make art just for myself, or just for practicing. I didn't know what I'm gonna do with my life, because I got rejected from the Uni I applied to. But lucky me, I got a job opportunity where my sister was working at, it's a gaming company, which mostly makes slot machine games. I'm not gonna tell names, but it's a pretty big company. So I'm writing this story to You as I'm sitting in my office chair. I've been working here for 3 years now. I dunno if my co-workers will read this, but I don't really care to be honest. So these 3 years working here really made me tired from every aspect. I feel empty a lot of the times. I'm tired of making art I don't really want to, tired of copying styles, tired of every day, because every day is the same. I wake up, work for 8 hours, go home tired, check my social networks, go buy groceries, cook, have a bath, sleep. And repeat. So I'm kind of feeling like I'm wasting time, I'm wasting my talent. But what can I do? I can't just leave, because I have to eat, I have to pay for a lot of things. Although I've learned some new skills, like crocheting, knitting, which I really enjoy. I also love renovating old furniture and making home decor. They really help me turn off my mind. I was thinking a lot about what the hell I really wanna do. I was thinking about making a YouTube channel, like some youtubers I follow. I'd love to tell my stories to you, I'm sure it'd help a lot of people.

So I'm gonna share probably the biggest thing that happened to me in my life ever.
Just a little plus info before I start: My parents divorced when I was about 8. I developed a pretty bad depression at that time, since it wasn't an easy divorce. Police, assaulting, shouting, broken knife, crying etc... So you can imagine. 
I was pretty "ugly" in elementary, people always made fun of me, because I didn't brush my teeth, I was skinny and tall.. It was hard times, but I got through depression, however sometimes I still feel horrible, but it happens with everybody. 
So later in high school, I pretty much hit puberty the right way, and bloomed. People always complimented me that I looked like a model, which really made me happy and sad at the same time, because It was a dream for me. Side story: I posted some selfies on Instagram, and both IMG models and Wilhelmina contacted me, to send polaroids. So I did, but never got a reply. It really made me sad, because I've always dreamt of modelling since I started watching ANTM as a kid. Now I'm almost 23, and only 168 cm, so that dream is gone.
In high school, I got some enemies as well. Those girls made my days like I was in literal hell. They told me things like they wanna smash my head into the table, and I look ugly, and they insulted my mother as well. Horrible times.
Sooo after these many years of struggling, here came the health problems. I TRULY believe that if the mind is healthy, the body is healthy. And If there's something you're not doing right in your life, your body will try to show it to you. First in little signs, later in BIG signs.
So I was dating my current boyfriend at that time, when I wanted to get pills, so I went to the gynecologist. As I was sitting in the car I just felt that something is wrong. I didn't know what, but something was wrong. So the doctor made an ultrasound and his face just froze when he looked at the screen. I felt my stomach dropping as well. It was a cyst on my right ovary. He told me it's okay, it can go away. Let's meet 3 months later. I cried my eyes out on the way home, I didn't understand why it's happening to me. 
Meanwhile I started learning natural healing. It's a healing method from Nepal, which uses energy. I also wanted to understand a bit more about why things happen the way they happen and that they just wanna teach us something. So I started to heal myself and went back to the doctor. The cyst was a little smaller, about 3-4 cm in diameter. Then, I just wanted to forget about it, so I stopped healing, and just lived my life. It came to the point where it became so big, that the doctor said it needs to be removed by surgery. I can't even tell you the feeling I got. I cried almost every day, there was no day when I didn't think about it. So this was STILL not enough for me to start healing myself, I just gave a shit and hoping for the good, because I didn't want surgery. Then, after one night I was with my boyfriend, I started bleeding but I shouldn't have got my period. So in fear, I went to the emergency, and I saw on the ultrasound that the cyst is 6-7cm, and it's not a normal cyst, it's filled with blood. There was also an other cyst next to it. The doctor told me to go have a surgery IMMEDIATELY. I just wanted to die. Honestly, this was just too much for me. I know this is not cancer, but I could understand what the people who have any serious diseases are going through. So I went to the hospital again, I was bleeding, and a lot of strangers were examining me at that day. I felt like a piece of meat. You know, we begged for the doctors, to try something alternative like pills, so maybe it'll go away, but they told me that's IMPOSSIBLE. And after they remove it, they have to examine it because it can be cancerous. And also I might wake up with no right ovary, but I shouldn't worry because I can still have kids. I got the date for my surgery....
I don't know what turned on in my head, but I felt an incredibly big strength and will in me, to not let this happen. I can't let them to cut me open, and ruin what nature gave me for a purpose. I did not try EVERYTHING I could yet. So my mom agreed with me, and we found a kind lady who did the same healing method as me, but on higher and stronger levels. We started the treatment, in which I tried to find the mental cause for it. It took me 2 years, but I did it. The cyst became 1 cm smaller by each visit to the doctor, when last year before Christmas, there was no cyst. It was the best day in my life. I could write a whole book about this, and how I healed myself, but I might talk about that in a different post. So I achieved something that was basically a miracle. There's no info about an endo cyst disappearing. But I did it, and I felt like if I could achieve this, I can achieve everything. It gave me an incredibly big strength. I basically learned that there's no such thing as BAD. They just all try to make us a better, healthier person, by teaching us something.

Now, one year later I'm struggling with teeth issues, they had to pull one of my teeth out and now a doctor broke a needle in one of my roots which can't be removed, so again, tooth removal. And also a wisdom tooth surgery later. I'm 22, and I'm gonna lose 3 teeth in just a few months.

Also, we had to move from our current apartment with my bf, because the owner sold the flat. No matter how many flats we checked out, they were all ugly, and expensive, so we're moving to my sister. 
I really feel like my life is a disaster now, and I don't know how to change. I KNOW I need to change, because these are all signs.
I've been crying a lot lately, and I don't even have friends besides my boyfriend and my mom to tell these. These happened just today, that's why I felt the need to write it down because I'll just break down if I can't share it with someone, and I'm hoping I can find some understanding people here.
In conclusion, I think I'll have to find a new job I really like, and just try not to worry about things too much. I like to overthink everything.
This year, 2016 was a horrible year for me, and for millions of people. I can't believe how many terrorist attacks have happened. It's horrible. Sometimes I can at least make myself feel a little bit better by thinking about all those people who lost their loved ones in the attacks. My problems are nothing compared to those people. But 2017 is going to be the "Year of Beginning" according to numerology. 2016 was the "Year of letting go". (I can see that)
Let's hope next year will be better for all.

If you read this, you're a lovely human being, thank you. Please if you can, send me some positive energy haha. I need every bit of your help.

Thank you for listening.
"Everything will be so good so soon just hang in there and don't worry about it too much"

Kata

Hi Everyone!

You might not know that actually I've always been a huge Pokémon fan! When I was little I got a GameBoy Color and some Pokémon games like Gold, Crystal, and later I even bought a DS to play Pearl. I had a bunch of tazos, plushes, books, cards so... I guess I was a normal kid? Haha.

I was invited to a goup on Tumblr where we post individual artworks of Pokémons going in numerical order each week. This means the first generation from #001-Bulbasaur to #151-Mew.
This week we're drawing #009-Blastoise so I'm telling you this a bit later than I planned.
It's because I missed the first 3 Pokémons which I'm drawing at the moment. This evening around 7-8 pm (it's 11:00 am here atm) I'm going to update the missing ones you can't find on Tumblr and the ones I've already finished from Bulbasaur to Wartortle ! I'm so excited for this project, I've always wanted to draw some Pokémon and now I have the chance to draw every single one
It would mean a lot for me and my pals in the goup if you followed us. For now I'm not going to share any links, only in the description of the submissions!

So stay tuned! ^-^ See you later